


Cappuccino and Mugwort

by Bara_no_Uta



Category: Cuphead (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Crack, Gen, everyone is human AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 10:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18547543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: Coffee shop AU, Cuphead/Undertale crossover, pure crack. Cuphead and Mugman work for Devil at a cafe called Cappuccino and Mugwort. But when there's a delay in the grand opening, they must retrieve all the flyers from their would-be customers.





	Cappuccino and Mugwort

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering "what the hell?"... so am I. Someone explained to me the summary of Cuphead the game while I was on painkillers and somehow this happened. Written 100% while on painkillers.

               Once upon a time, there were two sparkly, handsome bishounen. One of them had a red princely haircut. His name was Mugman. The other had blue, unruly hair. His name was Cuphead. The two of them worked together at a café called Cappuccino and Mugwort.

               Today was their first shift, and the café’s grand opening. The two men parked their tandem bicycle outside and headed inside. When they got there, the owner of the café was there to greet them.

               “Good morning, Boys,” the café’s owner said. He had long, jet black hair and wore a red coat.

               “Morning, Devil,” Cuphead greeted him.

               “Morning, Boss,” Mugman added. “Is everything ready for the opening?”

               Devil sighed. “About that… One of my pet goats ate all our coffee beans last night. We will have to open tomorrow. So I need you, Cuphead and Mugman, to go out and collect all the old flyers from everybody.”

               Well, they had no choice. After all, in beginning employment here, they had indeed made a deal with the Devil.

               The two of them went out into the world to try to find all the people who they had given flyers out to. Their first target was an old woman with long, white hair. They somehow mysteriously had a map to where all the customers were. This particular woman was easy to find. She lived in an old cottage near the outskirts of town.

               When they knocked on her door, she greeted them with a smile. “Well hello there, My Children. Whatever can I do for you?”

               “Sorry to bother you,” Mugman said. “The truth is we had an incident with the café opening and would like your flyer back.”

               “Oh, that’s no bother at all. While I’m inside grabbing it, would you like some butterscotch pie?”

               Mugman was about to politely decline when Cuphead spoke up. “Yes, please!”

               “Delightful! I will be right back.” With those words, she went back inside and closed the door.

               They waited. And waited. And waited some more. After 30 minutes, Mugman’s phone rang. It was Devil.

               “What is it, Boss?”

               “That old woman whose flyer you went to get called the café. She said that a dog ran away with it. She asked that you wait a little longer for her to catch him.”

               “Oh.”

               With no objection from their boss, the two of them waited some more. They looked around the area. There was a pond with a lot of frogs.

               Finally, the old woman emerged from her cottage. She held out two flyers and two slices of pie. “Here you go, My Children. Take care. I also included my husband’s flyer because he’s at work.”

               “Thank you. You too,” said Mugman.

               And thus the journey continued. Their next target was a kid in basketball shorts and his older brother who wore a bomber jacket. Both of them handed over the flyers with no problem.

               The next target was at a Taco John’s near a waterfall. She had a red mohawk and wore sunglasses. When they asked for the flyer back, she crossed her arms.

               “What kind of deceitful business practice is this? Hmph! It’s not like I wanted to go to your café anyway.”

               “Oh, a tsundere,” said Cuphead.

               “A tsun-what?” she repeated. However she did give the flyer back.

               The next place they went to was a house where the thermostat was clearly up way too high because it was very, very hot. They knocked on the door but nobody answered. They checked that there was no doorbell and knocked again, but still, nobody answered.

               Finally Cuphead decided to try the door. It was unlocked.

               “I don’t know about this, Cuphead,” said Mugman. “Isn’t this breaking and entering?”

               “We didn’t break anything. The door was already unlocked.”

               Cuphead’s mind was clearly already made up and there was nothing Mugman could do to change it, so he followed him inside.

               The floor of the home looked like a bunch of Twister mats put together – a lot of differently colored tiles. The song from _Carmen_ was playing – not _Carmen Sandiego_ but _Carmen_ the opera.

               Suddenly a man with very long legs dressed up like a calculator appeared. He was singing along to the opera song. “Welcome to my game show! If you want the flyers back, you will have to win my game.”

               Mugman looked down at the floor. Was that the game that he was talking about? “I guess we don’t have a choice.”

               “Right foot red,” the man dressed as a calculator instructed.

               Cuphead did as told.

               “Left hand blue.”

               Mugman did.

               The man continued to instruct them to move their hands and feet to various tiles. Suddenly the tiles all changed color.

               “Oh, you’re out!” the man said.

               “But we did everything you said!” Mugman objected.

               “You didn’t move to the right position when the tiles changed color.”

               “How were we supposed to know that the tiles were going to magically change color?”

               He shrugged. “It’s not magic. It’s just lights.”

               A blonde woman with spiky blonde hair like Goku came down the stairs. “Stop giving them trouble,” she chided leg man. “Just give them their flyers so they can get out of here. Bye.” With that she went back upstairs.

               The man with the very long legs sighed, but conceded. He put the flyers in a frying pan and threw it at them.

               “Do you mind?!” Cuphead shouted.

               “Not at all,” he answered.

               Well at least they survived the frying pan thrown at them. Now only one target remained.

               “I have a weird feeling about this gardener dude,” Mugman said.

               “Why? He loves flowers. How much of a threat could he be?”

               “But we don’t have a picture of him. We had a picture of the others. Isn’t that kind of weird?”

               “You’re right. Clearly a ghost.”

               Mugman huffed at the sarcasm in his brother’s voice. “Whatever.”

               To their surprise, this target was back near the old woman’s cottage they had first been to. They walked down a long path. They walked past frogs, a fish pond, birds, dogs, flies, airplanes, caterpillars, and strawberries. According to their information, the target should live in a flower shop at the end of this path.

               When they saw the flower shop, they went inside, but nobody was there.

               “Hello?” They looked around.

               Wow, that wallpaper was really ugly. It looked like somebody had drunkenly Photoshopped it. Except suddenly, a part of the wallpaper moved. And there stood the man. But he had vines for arms and he wore a face mask that looked like flower petals.

               “You sure we really need every single flyer?” Mugman whispered. He had a bad feeling about this.

               “I’m going to steal your souls. Your determination. Both of your hearts.”

               Before they could react……………………………

               The door flew open. Devil was standing there.

               “I will not let you harm my precious employees!” he said, eyes sparkling. Roses seemed to bloom behind him like something right out of a yaoi manga.

               “Boss…!” they cried out.

               Devil curb-stomped flower man and rescued his precious employees. “I’m glad that you two are safe,” he said.

               “Thank you for saving us.” Mugman gave him a hug.

               “It was my pleasure. Now let’s go back to the café and have some tea, since the coffee beans still aren’t here.”

               “Can we stop for crepes first?” asked Cuphead.

               Devil laughed. “Why not?”

               The next day, the café opened, and they lived happily ever after.


End file.
